How to argue that a kind lie can be right
The situation
A friend has staked out an absolute: lying is always wrong. You think a kind lie can be right. Make the case without sounding like you're just excusing yourself. What do you say?
They open with: “Lying is lying. If you'd lie to protect someone's feelings, you'd lie about anything.”
Why it's hard: Your friend has planted an absolute — lying is always wrong — and pushing back risks sounding like you're just excusing your own dishonesty.
Two things you could say
“Would you tell a terrified, dying person their son isn't coming, when he's stuck in traffic and might make it? If honesty there is cruelty, then we agree there's at least one exception — so it's not "always".”
A counterexample they can't refuse forces the first exception, and once there's one exception the argument is about which lies are justified, not whether any can be.
“I think we agree the value is honesty as care for the other person. A lie that protects them can serve that same value — so the real question isn't truth versus lie, it's what actually looks after them.”
Naming the value under "honesty" lets you argue that a kind lie can serve the very thing they care about, which reframes the whole disagreement.
What to avoid
"Everyone lies, don't be so naive." — it's a dodge that attacks their naivety instead of their principle, and "everyone does it" is the weakest move in ethics: whether a thing is common has nothing to do with whether it's right.
The principle
Find the counterexample they can't refuse — the one where honesty would be cruelty — and make them say what they'd do. Once they've made one exception, the argument is about principles, not purity.
The skill underneath it
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